A MUCH-NEEDED DIVERSION—SAMSUNG TO THE RESCUE
It’s three days before the election . . . and we all need relief.
Then along comes Samsung.
It’s not enough that their cell phones are apt to catch fire—anywhere, at any time. Which of course the company takes seriously. “Store your phone in a fire-proof container,” they advise. With an add-on from the FAA: “Never, ever, carry them on planes.”
But now Samsung is once again in the news. They’ve developed top-loading washing machines with what you must admit is a distinctive feature. They explode.
“I was sitting in my living room, when there was this awful boom,” said one customer. “I thought the roof had fallen in.”
But it wasn’t the man’s roof, the problem was out on the service porch . . . with what is normally considered a docile, non-aggressive appliance. No lithium batteries. No toxic ingredients. No bad behavior in its DNA--expect for possible overflowing. (We’ve had our Maytag for 15 years, and it’s still going strong.)
Still, a lack of lithium and carcinogens must not be enough. Thanks to Samsung’s creative engineers, suddenly you see their washing machines on television—their tops blown off, the insides exposed and destroyed, bits and pieces of everything spreading across the floor. You can’t help thinking, A washing machine with a suicide vest?
Luckily, injuries so far have been minor, except for one woman who suffered a broken jaw.
But here’s the real hooker. Samsung has a message for its customers: you can get a coupon for a new washer. (Explosive? Or non-explosive?) Or alternatively, you can buy a new, reinforced lid.
A new, reinforced lid? Seriously? To keep the eruption confined to one place? So the socks and underwear and assorted pieces of machinery won’t get scattered around the room?
As Rob said, “Well, at least the new lid won’t fly. But the machine won’t wash, either.”
Which you’d know the second you looked inside . . .
You’d realize, of course, you can no longer finish your laundry--what’s left of it. But maybe you can save the lid for the next exploding machine. It might even be reusable.
Poor Samsung. You really have to feel sorry for . . . well, for starters, whoever put out those suggested remedies.